I could not get him out of my head, and that bothers me greatly.

I shut my eyes and all I could see was him, looking straight back at me, inside me. Had it not been for my meeting with the doubler, I would have been able to keep that door locked. Shut, deep inside of me. But the resemblance was uncanny, not that which faced me, but what I recognised inside those eyes.

He, was one of the few weaknesses I had.

Lord Victor Alexander, the first and only man I gave myself to fully. We met at the party of Lady Eloise Dayton, a formal gathering to celebrate her husband’s recent venture. I remember him in perfect detail, as he stood in the far corner, speaking to a clutch of giggling and cooing women, who shamed our gender with their pathetic swoons and utterances. I made no move, but he looked up, and it was then that our eyes met. His eyes were of sharp pale green, as clear as polished Peridot. his hair brown and foppish in character. And as he looked at me, I felt him creeping inside my mind and my body. Mapping my every action and reaction… Yet I allowed him to.

He made his excuses to the crowd of women, and began to walk towards me.

“Hello, I don’t believe we have met?” He held out his hand to me, his skin was a warm light brown, as if he had been travelling afar in tropical countries.

My eyes narrowed, immediately distrusting of him, and I did not extend my hand, but instead moved it to my purse. “No. I don’t believe we have.” My tone was sharp and laced with an edge of challenge to it. He smiled. His smile was magnificently playful, and instantly piqued my interest. ” I am Lord Victor Alexander the third.. Pleased to meet you Miss?” ” Madame.” He raised an eyebrow at my answer, clearly enjoying the teasing repartee between us. “Very well. How do you do Madame.”

I took a glass from a passing waiter, and ran my fingers around the contours of the glass flute, sipping occasionally from it, and looking away from this Lord as I spoke, i could feel the heat that was flaring off him. “So…” I paused a while before finishing my sentence, just to create a slight air of awkwardness. “What is your vocation sir?” I felt his smile behind my back, and saw his shadow, move as he walked around to face me once more. He fixed me with his eyes once again, and I felt bare. As if stripped of all my guises, allowing him to see my core, my being.

“I am a Doctor of medicine.” I felt my eyebrow arch slightly in interest. “I see, an interesting line of work I presume?” He laughed suddenly, and almost took me off my guard. “Yes, you could say that. It certainly provides…variety.” He cocked his head slightly as if to examine me further. “Would you like to take a walk?… Madame.”, Once more I raised an eyebrow to him, this time in mockery. After all I am no fool, and I knew instantly he believed he had made his catch for the night. “Very well, but where were you thinking of Lord Victor? , He snorted in rebuff at the use of his title. “Please, just call me Victor.” I gave a knowing nod, and allowed him to take my arm as we walked outside into the night air.

It was a beautiful night, the air was clean and had a soft warmth to it. We walked along the river side in silence, until we came to the edge of a dark building, that was at least 3 storeys high. At the front of it were two large bay windows, a table to the front of them, both beset with candles and books of various colours and sizes.

“Your home?” I enquired. “Yes. i wondered if you might like to take a look at one of my recent medical journal entries that I have written.” A smile started to escape the corner of my mouth, but I hid it well. “And why do you think that your journals would be of interest to me.?” He moved past me, not even looking back once as he spoke and inserted his key into the lock of the door. “Call it….intuition” was his reply, and with that I duly followed him into the house.

When I entered his living space, I immediately smelt the scent of Opium. It’s heady rich scent filled me as I made my way over to one of the many walnut bookcases in the room. Books are one of my truest loves. Books hold knowledge, and knowledge is powerful. I ran my hand over the spines of a huge line of anatomical reference books. But in later shelves found Books of charms, recipes for herbal medicines and alchemy. By then I felt I knew far more about this gentleman. “Would you like a brandy, Madame?” ‘Er, yes thank you.”.  I moved away from the collection of beautifully bound books, and slowly paced around the room, until he beckoned me to sit down with him, in front of a large open fire. he placed the decanter and two glasses on the table between us, and poured a drink in each, handing the first one to me.

“Madame..” he smiled, “Do tell me a little about yourself.” I knew instantly the game he had decided to play, but I was intrigued and allowed him to, just for a little while.”What is it that you would like to know?” He gazed at the contents of his glass, as he rolled it in his palm to warm the brandy. ” I am a woman of business.” He nodded slightly, his eyes narrowing in thought.” “I see” he replied. “You have family here?”, “Of a sort” I replied. His interest piqued again.”Hmm, a sort eh?.” There was a pause of silence between us as I sipped my brandy. The air had begun to electrify, and I could feel it through out my body.He stood up and removed his jacket, rolling up his sleeves to just beyond his elbows, before sitting himself down again. I am not sure how much time passed while we sat there, each of us forwarding information between the silences. Eventually I rose to my feet, and made my pardons to leave. It was only then he reacted.

“Stop. You must not leave yet!” He seized my forearm in one of his large weathered. I glared at him, “Remove…your…hand.” He looked at me and saw suddenly the change, but unlike most other men, he did not release me. Instead he tightened his grip and dragged me by my arm to him, so that we were face to face. “Who are you really?” he demanded his brow now furrowed and his face flushed. “You already know” I replied in a steely voice. I saw a flicker in his eye of recognition. A moment passed between us, and then suddenly his lips were upon mine, kissing me fiercely. I pulled away quickly and looked at him, before the animal in me took control and pushed him hard into the wall before pressing my lips on his. The furniture crashed around us as we stumbled and clawed with each other, my hair which had been styled in a tight chignon, now tumbled around my shoulders and back messily. I ripped at his shirt, the pearl buttons exploding in different directions as we made our way through the living room and into the corridors. He lifted me up, my legs tied themselves around his waist as he fumbled with one hand for his trousers. My skirts rolled back to my waist, with layers of petticoat, falling in frothy layers either side of my bare thighs, which were clad simply in cream stockings. His hands grabbed at my thighs and bottom squeezing my flesh between his fingers, as I hungrily searched his neck with tongue, and teeth. Teasing at the flesh gently and then wildly like a hungry beast.

It was then that he pushed himself inside me, hot and hard and wild I welcomed him, moving with speed and lust. He used his free hand to rip open my bodice and my breasts fell free from their straitjacket. I was so aroused that I forgot myself entirely and just took him in as deep as I could. He buried his face in my chest, biting, licking and sucking with a desperate desire that I recognised in myself. I pushed myself away from the wall, causing him to tumble backwards and I sat atop of him, lifting and lowering myself. Undulating wildly as I came closer to my climax. My teeth gritted, I threw my head back and then launched myself upon his neck and bit hard, just as I felt him coming inside me. he emitted what I can only recognise as a loud growling guttural sound, and I lifted my head up, to be faced with the truth that I had already come to know.

He was the same as I.

He yanked my hair back hard in retaliation, and I inhaled at the pain and the strength, enjoying both equally. He sat up and plunged his teeth into my neck and I arced my back in pleasure, but in a matter of seconds I regained myself. Pushing him back with all my force, his head hit the floor hard and he shouted out, I attempted to pin him down, but his strength as a man outdid my own. He grabbed both of my wrists and got to his feet, pulling his trousers back up to his waist, and dragged me through to a second room, which I can only have guessed to be his opium den. The floor was filled with large colourful silk cushions. and there were swathes of fabric pinned to the ceiling and walls. The air was so thick with smoke, you could have sliced it with a knife. And here he had me pinned by my wrists, my bodice ripped and hanging from my waist. I began to throw my body weight around to wrench free, but this man was not just a man, he was clearly kin of sorts, and from his strength I judged that he must be older than even I.

Part of me repulsed from his dominating gesture, the other part of me prickled and tingled in arousal and excitement. He threw me onto a pile of the large cushions on my front, ripping my dress upwards to expose me from behind and cover my face with my skirts at the same time. He parted my legs roughly and shoved himself inside of me, whilst pinning me underneath the materials of my own clothing. I could not in that moment know whether I hated him or wanted him more. I could feel him pushing himself harder and faster inside me, and my body responded in turn. He finally placed the full weight of his body upon me during the last thrusts, which were rough and hard, filling me with himself. And then I felt him come, and I myself instantly climaxed in tandem.

And then he just lay there upon me, and for the first time in my life I found myself warm to someone. To him. But in doing so I had opened myself up to a large array of pain and evils that were yet to come, some of which I may or may not share with you.

Suffice it to say, I am not of myself at present and I must see to this quickly. For if he is involved in any way in this new situation I find myself in, then I must react and act quickly, for the sake of mine and my own.

 

Madame X

 

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